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  • Alyse Gray

Plague Journal, Months 2-3: Loss, Grief and a New Book

Months 2-3 of lockdown have seen increasing unrest in both the world and my mind. In late May a high school friend died from coronavirus. Although she was only 39, she had been sick and a nursing home for years. It was still very sad. The nursing home had been in lockdown with no visitors allowed since mid-March, but I guess that didn't stop the virus. The cute Phoebes nesting under my deck lost their eggs to a marauding predator and abandoned the nest. I miss seeing them. I also miss seeing my mom. She's very lonely, but I am terrified of giving her coronavirus. Lots of sad feels inducing panic attacks nearly every day at least 2 weeks each month, corresponding with my menstrual cycle. Highly predictable, but still agonizing. Fortunately I have something to look forward to; bringing a book baby into the world.


I hired a professional editor for my horrible infectious diseases book who gave me a deadline. Although I do well with discipline, there is nothing more motivating than an externally imposed deadline. It did cause my workouts to suffer because I wanted to get the book done. That, in turn, may have affected my mental health. Nevertheless, I GOT THE BOOK DONE YESTERDAY!! My first book ever!! It feels nice to have finally finished something. Now on to formatting, designing, marketing, and promoting! I love that stuff! Look for the e-book on Amazon sometime soon!


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